The Anti-Moonpie Madness BlabBlog

Monday, December 25, 2006

Saturday, December 23, 2006

(Make me the GM and you won't be little one)

The Anti -Moonpie Plan to Fix The Knicks

Isiah Thomas is perhaps the most mocked person in the NBA, and he probably deserves it.
As a die hard Knick fan at times I am not sure if Isaih is working for or against the Knicks (Cutting Jalen Rose instead of Trading away his Expiring Contract???)

(If Only Isiah had a Snickers)

In the end Isiah Thomas might end up saving the Knicks, even if it is unintentional.

The Trades that brought Marbury and Francis to New York may have crippled the Knicks for a few years, but what it will bring the Knicks should be greater than anything they could have accomplished otherwise.

(Finally "The Best Point Guard in the NBA" has another "Superstar" to Work with)

Is it better to be a mediocre team for 5 years with no future in sight or a miserable team whose fans hate you but an eventual contender?
Teams like the Pacers, Celtics, Bucks, Sonics, Kings...Even the Wizards Have No Chance Of Going to the NBA Finals Under there Current Regimes and have no cap room to make any real roster changes.
Yet every year these teams have the opportunity to become relevant in the post season and maybe even make it to the Conference Finals. But That is the CEILING for these teams. THEY MUST LOSE A LOT BEFORE THEY CAN WIN.

The Knicks have Lost A LOT and they will hopefully continue to do so (Although I still want them to win especially so the Bulls don't get a good draft pick from us).

AI
TMac
Shaq
Nash
Joe Johnson
Arenas
Vince Carter
Ray Allen
Baron Davis
Jason Kidd
Ben Wallace

(Maybe If Wallace Was the One Battlin Floor Boards for Adidas The Pistons Could've Kept Him)

These 11 players have Championship, MVP's and Dozens of All-Star births between them...Yet they have all switched teams (most of them in there prime) in the past 5 years. In the NBA loyalty means nothing. One day your Steve Franchise, the next day your traded for Trevor Ariza and cap relief . Only the NHL is more messed up with how it treats its stars but its hockey so it doesn't really count...

The Knicks are in as Unique a position as any team in the NBA has ever been.
In 3 Years the Knicks will have the Expiring Contracts of
Stephon Marbury - 17.1 Mil
Steve Francis -15 Mil
Jerome James - 5.4 Mil
With 1 year Left for Quentin Richardson - 7.5 Mil
Aside from these 4 players The Knicks don't have any Terrible Contracts

(Oh How the Mighty Have Fallen)

By merely looking at the past 5 years we can see patterns emerging where Superstars are traded, almost always for little to no talent in return, merely salary cap relief/draft picks or young players/getting the current player outta your gym.
Whether these players have just inked contracts or are on the last year of existing ones there are always reasons in the NBA that to trade a Superstar
Maybe your team has fallen out of contention (Vince Carter, Raptors)
Maybe your a head case in need of new scenery (Ron Artest, Pacers)
Maybe your just tired of playing for the same losing team (Iverson, 76ers...KG very soon)

(Sucks for you Andre Miller)

Maybe your undervalued (Nash, Mavs...Wallace, Pistons...JJ, Suns)
Maybe your not getting along with your younger wingman (Shaq, Lakers)
Maybe your GM is bored (TMac, Magic)

In any event NBA Superstars will always and have always been traded. From Wilt to Barkley to Shaq it is a FACT.

In the next 2 or 3 Years MANY of the following 30 players will be on the Trading Block

Melo
Iverson (again)
Arenas
Wade
Redd
Kobe
JJ
Bron
Pierce
Vince
Yao
Ray
Dirk
KG
Boozer
Rashard
Baron
Rip
Duncan
Nash
Marion
Parker
Paul
Brand
Jamison
Jermaine
Amare
Howard
Bibby
Okafor
...
...
...
Some of these players will be MVP winners and have Championship Rings
Others will be getting over a Knee injury or a career changing on/off court altercation
Bottom Line, some of these players will no longer be coveted by there GM's, Coaches, Fans, or Teammates and will subsequently be shipped off for little in return.

What makes the Knicks relevant for this post is that they would be able to make VERY Attractive offers for any 2 players on the block. giving a team 2 options for 20 Million in instant cap relief is not just appealing, its almost unheard of. What other team has ever been able to afford trading 2 15+ million dollar contracts in 1 year without losing a starter??? (by then I anticipate Marbury and Francis will be in street clothes)

Of course as we know having 2 Great players doesn't guarantee success, however it definitely increases your chances.

Superstars are only part of the puzzle that builds championship teams
To Win Championships Role Players MUST PERFORM
Jordan and Pippen had Rodman, Kukoc, Kerr, Paxton...
Shaq and Kobe had Horry, Shaw, Fisher...
Wade and Shaq had Mourning, Walker, Haslem...

The Knicks have 8 VERY Young players who have potential to be Solid Role Players Some of them are notably up and coming players with a lot to prove...Others are slightly less likely to Shine however there age makes it very possible that they will breakthrough and shine in the next 4 years.

(I Propose the a Height Minimum for the 2008 Season)

David Lee (he's Awesome. He could be a Ben Wallace - He's averaging a Double/Double in Under 30 mins/game)
Channing Frye
Eddy Curry
Jamal Crawford
Jared Jefferies
Renaldo Balkman
Nate Robinson
Mardy Collins

These 8 players Could be enough to build around if you add a superstar and another solid player into the mix.

The Last Piece of the puzzle is keeping you team intact, this has proven to be one of the major problems with Teams that have the Talent to be dynasty's but not the money.

The Knicks play in the biggest market in the country giving them an advantage over other teams that have had trouble keeping key players.
Would Ben Wallace have left the to the Bulls if he had endorsements that paid him more to be in NYC???
Would Steve Nash have left to the Suns if his endorsements with the Mavs were more than his annual salary???
New York is a very lucrative place to be famous.
Allen Houston Had an American Express Endorsement and an NBA Commercial.
Chad Pennington and Jamal Crawford, players who are far from stars, have had endorsement deals.

Jeremy Shockey has only made the Pro-Bowl once, yet he had a NATIONAL AD The G-Shock watch!

When was the last time Antonio Gates, the #1 Tight End in Football, was scene drinking Pepsi or Eating Doritos?
Would Anyone Care about ELI MANNING if he was a Kansas City Chief?
Would Stephon Marbury have is own line of crappy Sneakers if he played for the Utah Jazz?

Would www.channingfrye.com Exist? (And if it did would he have a Fan Club???)

In Arizona Dan Majerle does ads for a local hardware store
Luis Gonzalez does ads for a local Sushi Restaurant
Lute Olson does AZ Easy listening Radio! He's A Hall of Fame Coach!!!

If any of these players were on a bigger stage they'd have there own Sneaker or at least something better than a hardware store.

People want to play in NYC.
Superstars will take Less Money to do so because of the extra money they make on endorsements (Lebron reportedly has a clause in his Nike Contract that will pay him Substantially more to play in NYC or LA).
Role Players will stay because they get an opportunity to stay in the LimeLight and can even earn endorsement money by merely being colorful and productive.

If the Knicks can just execute this plan then between the quality role players, the great trading chips and location location location. The Knicks could be looking at a championship in 4 years.

So basically, Play the young guys, don't sign any more big contracts, and don't cut or trade Steph or Francis until a great deal comes around.
Don't Screw it up Isiah

You heard it here first.
http://theantimoonpie.blogspot.com/

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Sometimes Theres More To Life Than Being REALLY REALLY REALLY Good Looking

Richard Gere is subject to my latest rant. For Years I have been talking a lot of smack about him and I think its time for me to put my theory down on paper and so I bring you...
The Anti-Moonpie Richard Gere Theory:

Richard Gere has Had the Leading or Supporting Role in OVER 30 Movies and yet there is not a single True Quality Movie in his Entire Filmography.

(Even His Book Looks Shitty)

That's Over 25 Years of sucking

I challenge Anyone to name an Actor who has been in more Leading Roles without ever even landing a fluke quality role.

Even Orlando Bloom (LOTR) and Chris O'Donnell (School Ties) have been in Decent Movies.

Gere Hasn't even Landed a Quality Role as a Voice for an Animated Movie.

(Perhaps The Academy Would Recognize His Achievements If He Spent More On Screen Time With Gerbils)

Let's Give Ol' Richie some love for a quick sec...Pretty Woman, Primal Fear...Thats about it as far as Good Movies he's been in. But not That good.

We'll skip the mediocre and go straight to the bad...
First Knight
Runaway Bride
Autumn in New York
Dr. T and the Woman
Unfaithful
Shall We Dance
Bee Season

The List Goes On...

(This Guy Kinda Looks Like Gere, Let's be Honest, Isn't That Enough?)

Anyway I've been trying to think of another Big Name actor whose had ZERO Quality Roles and I've gone blank.
So for now I Must Crown RICHARD GERE,
THE KING OF CRAP
and
"The Anti-Moonpie's OFFICIAL TOOL OF THE MONTH"

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Blazers or Nuggets?

The 06 NBA season is almost over and before we welcome 07 I figured it was about time to publish my ALL NBA TEAMS
"ALL NBA Player's Who Look Stoned" AKA The Nuggets
vs.
"ALL NBA Players who actually ARE Stoned" AKA The Blazers

The Nuggets

Gilbert Arenas

Dwayne Wade

Marcus Camby

Tracy McGrady

Chris Bosh

TEAM 2

Sam Cassel (A clear case of a closet pothead...unless hes an alien)

Tayshaun Prince
Donyell Marshall
Renaldo Balkman

Brent Barry (He's our token White Guy)

The BLAZERS

Steve Nash (unreliable sources have leaked that he and career scrub Paul Shirly used to blaze on the regular)
Allen Iverson
Bill Russel
Bill Walton

Robert Parish

(THIS IS WHO CAME UP WHEN I GOOGLED ROBERT PARISH?!?)...

THIS IS MORE LIKE IT

TEAM 2

Isaiah Rider
Rasheed Wallace

Damon Stoudamire

Marcus Camby

Chris Webber

AND THE WINNER IS...............................................

MARCUS CAMBY

The only player to both look like hes high 24/7, and actually get caught with drugs. Congrats Marcus...Your Prize is a career Full of Injuries!

Some other notables...

All "People Who Look Like They Have Eyebrows But Really Don't"
Charlie Villanueva AKA The Anti-Scorsese

All "People who look like Bobcat Goldwhite on steroids"
Chris Kaman

All "Blumenthal"
Jason "White Choclate" Williams

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

The Best Thing About Being Single On Hanukkah

It's been a long time since I've lived with my parents, but Every Yid remembers Hanukkah's and the joys and perils that go along with the Festival of Lights.
For instance Adam Sandler's Hanukkah Song was great when I was 12, but It wasn't great when my parents sang along to it in car rides (It was funny when they bought his CD and played it in the car on a family trip..."Play With Your Cockin Balls for Mama")

Anyway I've been lighting Candles the past few nights I've been lighting Candles and revisiting a childhood love, Playing With Candle Wax!

The Addictive Pain is everything I remembered it and more.

Which is why I have renewed my love for the single life and Judaism.
X Mas is fun and all but I truly think that Christians are missing out.

Candles have little place in an adults world.
Candle Lit Dinners...Blackouts...Shitty Centerpieces at Shitty Restaurants...Unfortunately playing with wax has no place in an adults life,
Except for Hanukkah.

I have 3 Nights Left of Hanukkah and Wax has renewed my Love of Judaism.

Monday, December 18, 2006

My FUNNIEST MOVIES OF ALL TIME

These are my Favorite Comedy's of all time, in no particular order:

1. Old School
I Have 2 Theories that I stand behind fully

a) Old School is the Funniest Movie of all time
b) Yellow Mustard is an obsolete condiment (When given the option of using any type of Mustard who would choose yellow over say...Spicy, Honey, Dijon, Stoneground...

2. Zoolander
Merman!

3. Harold and Kumar Go To WhiteCastle

4. Super Troopers
Shannanagans?

5. Van Wilder

6. PCU

7. How High?

8. Dumb and Dumber

9. The 40 Year Old Virgin

10. South Park the Movie

Now thats not to say that these are my favorite 10 Comedies of all time, rather the funniest movies, the ones that I would wanna watch on days that I'm paralyzed with headaches and beer farts. If it was a list of my Favorite Comedies it would be a much bigger headache but would probably read more along the lines of.
Rushmore, Life Aquatic, Big Lebowski, Dazed and Confused, Ghostbusters, Tommy Boy, Happy Madison...

AND THE WINNER IS...

So 2006 Is Almost Over So Here are my 2006 Favorites.
This isn't a list of who I think will win but its my favorites of 06

BEST MOVIE - THE DEPARTED

Honorable Mention: Thank You For Smoking, V for Vendetta

BEST DIRECTOR - MARTIN SCORSESE

Honorable Mention:
AND I WAS LIKE EMILIOOO...Estevez (Ya that's right the Mighty Duck man himself, Anyone who didn't see this coming after Young Guns II is crazy...rewatch Mighty Ducks III if your skeptical of his brilliance).